On closure. Sometimes we want to move on (from a relationship) without really closing the door on our past. How we choose to do this is what I want to discuss openly today. I have my own views on things, and mostly it is because i went through so much of the pain already, and i really didnt have to!.. Typically I shy away from anykind of relationship, whether it is just physical or friendship building with a woman who is going through a separation, divorce or recently just broke up. The reason is, i have learned that so many have not really come to a healthy CLOSURE in this regard and are very vulnerable and emotional. Yeah why should i care ? Well i care becuase i dont want to send the wrong vibe towards them, remember People hear and read what they want to, and usually dont hear what you are trying to tell them since they are solely looking at fulfilling that missing need of theirs. Men are no different in this regard. We too seek that companionship and attention we are not getting at home in the arms of others. The problem is, we are still living with that woman instead of seeking the healthy closure the relationship deserves.
I had one liasion with a woman, i believed to be separated (thats what her profiles said) turns out that she and her old man were still together, even though he had told her repeatedly he wanted a divorce. She had sex with him up until she actually began to talk to me. So as I am gathering all of this information, I just tell her 'Handle your bizness, and get to some closure in your current relationship, take some time to re-discover yourself and to know what you truly want" It underscores how people get involved and entangled in relationships looking for the love and adoration they are missing. Unfortunately, there are plenty individuals who wont care about the true status and entertain the possibilities opening up all sorts of emotional issues.
So as i look around, I see the issues facing men and women in their desires to have relationship CLOSURE. I believe the following author provides a good explanation and tips in how to have healthy relationship closure!...
How to Find Closure in a Relationship Guest Author - Lisa Shea
This assumes that you have already had your Break Up Discussion and have agreed to break up. After that, there usually is some sort of a closure discussion, where you both talk about the relationship so you can learn more about what happened, to help you do better with your next relationship.
Closure has nothing to do with a guillotine!! Closure means that you find a resolution to a situation. You hardly ever want that resolution to be a "get lost"! That's not healthy, if the only way you can deal with a sad situation is to completely get rid of anything having to do with it. What if you had a fight with a family member :) Your aim should be to find a HEALTHY closure, which means you talk about what went wrong, appreciate the things that went well, learn something from it all, and then go on being friends and sharing the good parts. If every relationship ended by saying "it was all awful, nothing was good, get lost" then you don't really learn anything and grow.
Closure is very important, and closure involves talking honestly about what went on in this whole situation. So find a neutral place that it's quiet and you can talk together. Have a good meal first so you're full and comfortable. Then talk! Talk first about the *good* things. Go over the good things you had together, the fun times you had. Talk about the things that were special in the relationship. It's very important to understand what the good was, so you remember those things for future use. Those are the positive things you learned from this relationship.
Then, after you've gone through those, talk about the *challenges* you had. Don't make them into "bad things". They were things that challenged your relationship that you were not able to find solutions to. Don't make it into a "you refused to do laundry!" kind of accusation. That serves no purpose. But make a list of things that together you could not overcome. So things like "we couldn't agree on an equitable division of chores that we both could live with." You can both agree that was a problem, without getting into the details, and now you know that this is something that you have to work on in the future. Because every challenge that isn't met is because the two people couldn't agree on a solution or find a compromise, meaning that at least some of the responsibility falls on each individual.
At the end, you should still treasure the good! And there's no reason you can't keep being friends and talking. And now that you understand better the challenges that you faced and weren't able to work on, you'll know to watch for those in your next relationship. So your next relationship should have a better chance, because of the knowledge you've gained.
so my question to you all is:
do you date people who are recently out of a relationship?
Do you date or have you ever dated people who are still married but separated?
How long do you try to take between relationships?
